skeletor
Skeletor – equal opportunity employer of the disabled

Chatting with a friend online, we got to talking about all the old cartoon shows we used to watch, like The Transformers (a cartoon that proved that Americans can compete with Japanese animators!), GI Joe and HeMan. HeMan reminded me of this satire letter to skeletor.

Dear Skeletor,

First of all, many thanks for taking time to read this letter. I appreciate that your schedule is pretty packed with evil and evil related activities and that your time is precious. I’ll try not to take up too much of it, but I really do think you need to hear what I have to say.

I, like a large number of other people on the planet Earth, have watched with amusement for the past twenty years as you have repeatedly tried and failed to infiltrate and conquer Castle Grayskull and gain access to it’s legendary “secrets”.

Yes, you read that correctly Skeletor: “Amusement”.

Because while I appreciate the thought, effort and sheer dogged enthusiasm which go into your takeover bids, your apparent inability to spot the numerous and often gaping flaws in each and every one of them is laughable. I’m sorry, but it had to be said.

Take, for example, Fakir. You remember Fakir, don’t you Skeletor? The clone you made of He-Man? On the face of it, the plan was brilliant. Flawless. You managed to create an exact duplicate of He-Man using just the power of your Ram’s Head Staff, who could just walk up to Grayskull, knock on the drawbridge and gain entry. Victory was assured.

Or at least it would have been had you not given Fakir blue skin and orange eyes. I mean – what were you thinking there? I can only assume this was a frankly astonishing oversight on your behalf. The real He-Man doesn’t have blue skin or orange eyes, Skeletor, so in order to be truly effective, nor should an evil double. An identical duplicate should be identical to the thing it’s a duplicate of. The clue’s in the name. It’s just common sense.

Speaking of which, why do you insist on surrounding yourself with idiots? Okay, I appreciate that Beast Man and Trap Jaw are some scary looking blokes, but what real help have they been in your war on Eternia? They might mean well, but they haven’t contributed anything useful in two decades, Skeletor. Not a single thing. Even with employment law being so strict these days, any other employer would have found an excuse to dismiss them long before now.

It’s not as if you even like them, and I’m sure they can’t be brimming with job satisfaction either. I’ve had some shitty jobs in my time, but at least no boss of mine ever shouted “Fools!” at myself and my colleagues before shooting at us with lasers. I read somewhere recently that over fifty percent of people who get fired from a job go onto find higher paid employment in their next job. They’d probably thank you for sacking them in the long run.

And what about your strong right arm, “Evil” Lynn? Look at her name written down. You’ve just been pronouncing “Evelyn” wrong all these years, haven’t you? Surely even you can’t expect the Masters of the Universe to lay down their weapons and cower before someone called Evelyn? Particularly one who doesn’t even have the confidence to correct people who say her name wrong.

Your recruitment policy is utterly ridiculous. Take Tri-Klops – okay, so he has three eyes, but how’s that going to help defeat the mightiest man in the universe? At best it’ll just afford him a better view of He-Man’s massive fist as it connects solidly with his head. Likewise Ju-Jitsu – that big hand he has isn’t a useful special power, it’s just a big hand! He’s deformed! While I applaud your policy on employing the disabled, you shouldn’t fall into the trap of believing their disabilities will actually aid your nefarious schemes in any way. Elephantitis is not a valuable addition to your arsenal of evil.

And surely when you employed the two-headed Two-Bad you realized that each half of him spent every waking minute punching the other half in the face? Why didn’t this put you off? Why didn’t it start alarm bells ringing? Couldn’t you have just found a single headed person who would spend their time punching someone else in the face instead? Someone else who it would actually benefit you to have punched in the face? An employee who spends the entire working day physically harming himself is a liability, no matter what line of business you may be in.

And what about Stinkor? Jesus, Skeletor, you hire a guy just because he smells bad?! You think henchmen of that calibre are going to give you some kind of advantage over a man who can lift a mountain with one hand?

I dunno, it just seems to me that you’re deliberately shooting yourself in the foot by hiring these people. You’re attempting to conquer a planet and rule it with a fist of iron, Skeletor, not start a circus. It’s like you want to fail or something. There’s probably a psychiatric term for it, but I don’t know what it is.

Assuming you do genuinely want to succeed, my suggestion is a completely clean slate. Start from scratch. This time round though, I recommend you pick your staff based on their intelligence and skills, not by how outlandish they look. If a guy turns up for interview with green and purple striped skin and metal wings, try to find out what abilities he has rather than just offering him a job on the spot.

And when I say “abilities” I mean useful ones. Sit down and make a wish list of skills and attributes you think will genuinely increase your chances of ruling Eternia. I’d be surprised if “mental command over fish” is on there, so retaining Mer-Man’s services will be largely unnecessary. Again, he may be resentful at first, but he’ll be relieved at no longer having to worry about being thrown headlong into a pit of lava when he inevitably makes his next blundering mistake and will soon come to accept the benefits of no longer working for you.

Once you have an effective team in place, pay attention to what they have to say. I know this goes against the grain, but even with the buffoons you have working for you now disaster could have been averted time and time again had you only listened to them when they pointed out the obvious holes in your plans.

Like the machine you built to turn people to stone and bring stone things to life. Even Beast Man knew that one was an accident waiting to happen, and sure enough fifteen seconds later the machine was going crazy. What thanks did Beast Man get for pointing out the dangers of your latest contraption? A lightning bolt to the feet. He was only trying to help. How long did it take you to devise and construct such a machine, Skeletor? Longer than the four seconds it took He-Man to defeat the giant statue you brought to life with it, I’m almost certain.

Read the rest on your own.

Posted by Matt, filed under Friends, Random. Date: January 25, 2006, 11:09 pm | 6 Comments »

Frequent commenter Darin has taken the baton and is reporting on a new wave of Korean airport protests. Occidentalism noticed the trend before, and reported the phenomenon here and here.

By all means, go and have a read of Darins up-and-coming blog.

Posted by Matt, filed under diplomacy, finger chopping wacky. Date: January 23, 2006, 8:37 pm | 2 Comments »

chinese nightclub
A nightclub in Shanghai

Here are a couple of articles from the Korean media about Korean sex and drug tourists. Interestingly, Korea seems to claim the right to punish Koreans that commit crimes (even the crime of taking drugs) overseas. The JoongAng Daily reports that some sex and drug tourists were caught in a joint investigation by the police and the National Intelligence Service.

January 20, 2006 ㅡ Seven Korean men, including a doctor and the son of a former member of the National Assembly, were indicted by police yesterday for allegedly taking illegal drugs repeatedly while on sex trips to China.
Under Korean law, Korean police retain jurisdiction over any crimes committed by its citizens while traveling overseas.
Seoul’s Mapo police are requesting arrest warrants for all seven and have put the alleged broker for the trips, identified as Mr. Shin, on their wanted list. Mr. Shin allegedly provided sex and drug getaways to wealthy Koreans.
Police said the men were caught because of a three-month cooperative operation with the National Intelligence Service.
According to the police, upon arrival in Shanghai on Jan. 14 on their last trip, the men went to a drinking club and took ecstasy and methamphetamine, and then proceeded to have sexual intercourse with the female employees. Since last April, each has gone to China five to ten times on similar escapades.

Now that Kim Jong Il is considered a friend of South Korea, I guess the Intelligence Service has nothing better to do than hunt down Korean men messing around with hookers and drugs in China.

The Choson Ilbo is more sympathetic, painting the Korean sex and drug tourists are victims of Chinese gangsters.

Wealthy Koreans are increasingly becoming sometimes unwitting customers of Chinese gangs of drug pushers in mainland China. According to the National Intelligence Service, there has been a rise in incidents where Korean golf tourists in China say they were offered energy drinks spiked with narcotics. The NIS’ International Crimes Information Center said the criminals are selling drugs and alcohol at resorts that cater to Koreans who have been coming to China in growing numbers for regular golfing weekends since the five-day week was introduced here.

I am not prepared to believe that Koreans are that naive, considering that in the JoonAng Daily article the tourists were looking for just that.

According to the NIS, well-to-do Koreans, many of them doctors and realtors, on golfing weekends in Qingdao or Shanghai are given ecstasy or the amphetamine-like prescription drug Philopon at local clubs and bars by pushers who tell them they are aphrodisiacs or energy drinks.

I will be bold and put forth the theory that the Koreans were given the drug laced drinks because they bought them.

According to the NIS, women tourists are then prone to having sex with Chinese men working at exclusive women-only clubs there, while the Korean men do the same at hostess bars.

Korean prone to having sex with Chinese men in womens only clubs? Somehow I doubt the Korean women that went to those clubs walked into them accidentally, and knew exactly what goes on in those clubs. It seems to me that the Choson Ilbo doesnt want to admit that some Korean wonen want to have sex with attractive Chinese men. Meanwhile, Korean men it says that “do the same at hostess bars”, as if it were so natural that it is stated without comment.

I wonder if the Korean National Intelligence Service will also being chasing Korean cigarrete smugglers in Sydney, or if they are limiting their investigations to ‘crimes’ that have a ‘moral’ dimension.

Posted by Matt, filed under diplomacy, Funny, Random. Date: January 22, 2006, 1:29 am | 39 Comments »

one free korea

Here is a must read article from One Free Korea about the death of the US-Korea alliance. As usual, Joshua is spot on in his analysis.

Enjoy this and the many other excellent articles on One Free Korea.

Posted by Matt, filed under Anti-Americanism, diplomacy, Verus Historia. Date: January 21, 2006, 6:38 am | 6 Comments »

chinese women
The Beijing protest was also protesting alleged rapes of Chinese girls by African students

In 1989 there was a massive protest of students in Beijing protesting against government policies. The protest was crushed by the government after negotiations broke down. This was not the first protest in China, but was the culmination of a number of protests, the among the largest of which were the anti African protests of Nanjing four months before. In these protests is the genesis of the anti government protests.

From December 1988 to January 1989, students in Nanjing, China waged violent protests against visiting African students. These protests became the precursor to the nationwide pro-democracy movement in the spring of 1989, which resulted in the massacre of Chinese students by armed troops in Tiananmen Square. Displaying an uneven combination of racial tension, nationalism, and reformism, the Nanjing protests fused mass hostility toward visiting African students with official nationalist discourse to create the momentum for a popular movement for political change. At the same time, they marked the denouement of China’s proclaimed leadership of the “Third World” with long-term consequences for Sino-African relations. Yet, these protests were neither isolated events, as the Chinese government claimed, nor simply outbreaks of general xenophobia directed at all foreigners. Frank Dikötter has traced various discourses of race in China from the late nineteenth century based on myths of origins, ideologies of blood, and narratives of biological descent that have been central to the cultural construction of Chinese identity. Barry Sautman attributes the rise of anti-Africanism among the Chinese intelligentsia in the reform era (1978-present) to the return of racial stereotyping and elitist values dating back to Imperial China that link and denigrate those who are dark and those who are poor.

The article continues –

The Chinese government restored the African scholarship program in the mid-1970s and began sending African students to universities outside of Beijing. As China opened itself to the capitalist world market with a series of reforms initiated by Deng Xiaoping from 1978, its Third World identity became little more than a propaganda tool. In contrast to official statements supporting revolutionary movements in Africa and the civil rights movement in the United States in the 1960s, the CCP in the late 1970s and 1980s markedly downplayed Third World themes in the media. In addition, local authorities often excused, and sometimes justified, anti-African prejudice among Chinese students. For example, the Shanghai incident of July 1979 was triggered by complaints of loud music played by African students and culminated in an attack of the foreign student hall in which the African students lived. Although Chinese press commentaries admitted that the Chinese students attacked the African students, they also implied that “drunken and womanizing” Africans were prone to troublemaking. Moreover, contact between African men and Chinese women was the source of numerous clashes between Chinese and African students in the 1980s as well as the grounds for arrests and deportations of Africans.

The Nanjing protests in December 1988 were triggered by a series of confrontations between African and Chinese students at Hehai University. The conflict intensified on December 24 when two African male students who were escorting two Chinese women to a Christmas Eve party on campus were stopped at the front gate and ordered to register their guests. A new university regulation that restricted registration procedures for guests visiting foreign students had been implemented in October of that year to stop African male students from consorting with Chinese women in their dormitories. A quarrel between one of the African students and the Chinese security guard escalated into a brawl between African and Chinese students that lasted until the next morning and resulted in the injury of eleven Chinese and two Africans. On the next day, 300 Chinese students, angered by a rumor that a Chinese man had been killed by an African student the previous evening, stormed the African students’ dormitory chanting, “Kill the Black Devils!” The police arrived to restore order two hours later. Fearing for their safety, over 60 African students left for the railway station to reach their embassies in Beijing. Local authorities prevented them from boarding the trains in order to retain those involved in the Christmas Eve brawl. In response, about 140 foreign students, including other African students in Nanjing and a dozen non-African foreign students, sat-in at the train station to demand that they be allowed to board a train for Beijing.

Meanwhile, Chinese students at Hehai University mobilized students from other universities in Nanjing to protest what was perceived as special treatment for foreigners and to demand justice for the alleged murder of a Chinese man the night before. Approximately 3,000 students marched in the streets, singing the national anthem and chanting, “Down with Black Devils!” On December 26, the student demonstrators from Hehai University marched to the provincial government office to demand that the African students be held responsible for their crimes according to the full force of Chinese law. Holding a banner that read, “Protect Human Rights,” the demonstrators demanded the reform of a corrupt legal system that privileged foreigners at the expense of ordinary Chinese. That evening, a group of more than 3,000 Chinese students marched to the railway station with banners calling for the protection of human rights, political reform, and justice. The African students were immediately sequestered by the police to a military guest house in Yizheng, 60 kilometers northeast of Nanjing. The police declared the student demonstrations illegal and, with the help of riot police from neighboring provinces, quelled the demonstrations in the next few days. By early January 1989, the authorities arrested and deported three African students from Hehai University who were suspected of instigating the Christmas Eve brawl and sent the remaining students back to Nanjing. The African students were instructed to report to their school authorities before leaving their campuses and to not go out at night. Furthermore, the Hehai University president, Liang Ruiji, announced that African students were required to continue registering their guests at the front gate and were restricted to no more than one Chinese girlfriend whose visits would be limited to the lounge area.

Ah, those cheeky Africans and their ‘drunken and womanising’ ways. Which is a far cry from Chinese propaganda posters preaching solidary with minorities.

solidarity
“Firmly support American Blacks in their righteous struggle!”

There is also an article about this in wikipedia, and an interesting bit of trivia is that actress Mira Sorvino actually did her undergraduate thesis on this.

Seventeen years later and it seems like Black Africans are still up to their old tricks, except this time it is African English teachers.

 本报讯(记者刘英才 郭少峰)前日午夜,中国矿业大学上演“蝙蝠侠”,一名外国黑人小伙子从4楼自己家中爬出,趴在了3楼窗台上。当时几名年轻人正在砸该男子居住的4楼铁门,并对围观群众说他们的两名女同事 被关在里面。

  前日午夜12时,记者在中国矿业大学院内的东一家属楼4楼中门看到,该屋内已空无一人,灯已经熄灭,防盗门中央已经被砸出一个直径有30多厘米的窟窿。

  一位穿白T恤的小伙子说,晚上11时左右,一名女子带着五名男子冲上楼开始砸门,说她有两名女同事被住在这里的黑人男子带到屋内,并不断地给里面的女子打电话,但很快里面的电话便无法接通。

  一位读研一的女生说,就在楼上砸门的时候,一名黑人从4楼的窗户爬了出来,站在3楼的窗户处,用手机拨打110,用不标准的汉语说,有人要打他。黑人男子趴在外面10多分钟后,保安上到3楼,将这名黑人男子拉到屋里,砸门的几名男子冲上来要打这名黑人男子,但被制止。

  海淀东升派出所民警赶到后,围观的几十名群众要这名黑人男子赔礼道歉,但遭到拒绝。

  住在附近的一名住户说,4楼的这名黑人男子经常带女子上楼,但他不像是这里的学生或者老师。昨天零时许,警方带走了黑人小伙子,关在4楼中门的两名女子也跟随朋友离开。

  中国矿业大学校长办公室董老师说,出事的东一家属楼虽然是在学校院内,但不是学校房产,属于某企业,并且只有少数教职工住在里面。他说,中国矿业大学没有黑人留学生。

  中国矿业大学保卫处的赵老师说,该男子是北京某外语培训学校的外教。

This is beyond my ability to translate line by line, but I will write the gist of it (maybe a Chinese person can translate it line by line for the benefit of the readers, in case I have made a mistake).

An African guy took two Chinese girls to his house (presumably by consent because it doesnt say they were forced). Later, the friends of the two girls appear at the door of the apartment, knocking on the door. The girls friends also try to call the mobile phones of the two girls inside, but they dont answer. The African guy gets scared and climbs out of the window of his apartment and escapes, calling the police. He tells the police that the people at his door want to beat him up. The police come and the situation is defused. The other local residents insist that the African guy apologise, commenting that he brings a lot of different Chinese girls back to his place. The African guy refuses to apologise. The African guy is an English teacher in Beijing.

It seems to me that the African guy is being asked to apologise because he is African – I have been looking hard for another angle on this one, and cant find it. Still, if he really is bringing as many girls back to his apartment as the local residents claim he is, Chinese racism cant be that bad. The African guys reaction seems rather extreme as well – maybe he has been in trouble for dating Chinese girls before, and thus called the police to protect him.

When will human beings get over this hang up about inter racial dating? Just let it be.

Posted by Matt, filed under Verus Historia. Date: January 17, 2006, 4:55 am | 14 Comments »

russian acrobatics

Courtesy of the great google video service comes these amazing Russian acrobatic feats. Be sure to see it all the way through as the stunts become increasingly wild in this great performance of street acrobatics.

Cheers to Alan for the tip

Posted by Matt, filed under Random. Date: January 16, 2006, 3:07 am | 87 Comments »

asashoryu5
Plain speaking sumo legend

This news is a couple of years old, but I dont think it has been reported before in English. Legendary Mongolian sumo wrestler Asashoryu called a overly obstinate Korean journalist a ‘kimchi bastard’. The Korean journalist had just freshly arrived in Japan from Korea.

In taking questions from journalists, the conversation with the Korean journalist went like this -

Korean journalist: “Grand champion, you like chanko hotpot? Dont you eat kimchi?”
Asashoryu: “Yes, I like it. I dont eat kimchi”
Korean journalist: “Kimchi is a superior foodstuff that is very good for the body, and the more you eat it, the healthier you become”
Asashoryu: “Like I said, I dont eat it”
Korean journalist: “Eating kimchi can prevent SARS, so even Mongolians like you have to eat it”
Asashoryu: “Annoying… Kimchi bastard”
Korean journalist: “Has the racial discrimination in Japan been terrible?”
Asashoryu: “No, there wasnt any particularly”
Korean journalist: “You dont have to hide it. What kind of discrimination did you face?”
Asashoryu: “No, I told you there wasnt any particularly”
Korean journalist: “particularly? That means there was some discrimination, right? What kind of discrimination?”
Asashoryu: “Look, im telling you there was none! Kimchi bastard!”

A poll was taken on the Japanese version of the Korean news site, Joins, to ask who was wrong, Asashoryu or the Korean journalist.

asashoryu

98% of respondents thought that the Korean journalist was wrong.

This is so funny. It is obvious that this Korean journalist has no idea how Korean ethnocentrism is percieved by non Koreans, and it is also interesting that he had already formed anti Japanese views before he arrived in Japan. I wonder how he did that. I think that the Korean journalists line of questioning was far more offensive than the words the questioning resulted in.

Posted by Matt, filed under Funny, Racist Industrial Complex. Date: January 14, 2006, 8:08 am | 17 Comments »

pig2.jpgpig1.jpg

Here is a story about glow in the dark pigs created in a Taiwanese lab through genetic engineering.

Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark.

They claim that while other researchers have bred partly fluorescent pigs, theirs are the only pigs in the world which are green through and through.

The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo.

The researchers hope the pigs will boost the island’s stem cell research, as well as helping with the study of human disease.

The researchers, from National Taiwan University’s Department of Animal Science and Technology, say that although the pigs glow, they are otherwise no different from any others.

Taiwan is not claiming a world first. Others have bred partially fluorescent pigs before. But the researchers insist the three pigs they have produced are better.

Transgenic pig – 12/01/06
In daylight, their eyes and skin are green-tinged

They are the only ones that are green from the inside out. Even their heart and internal organs are green, they say.

To create them, DNA from jellyfish was added to about 265 pig embryos which were implanted in eight different pigs.

That is pretty interesting. The scientists hope to breed the pigs with normal pigs.

The researchers say they hope the new, green pigs will mate with ordinary female pigs to create a new generation – much greater numbers of transgenic pigs for use in research.

I am no animal behaviorist, but wont these transgenic pigs be outcasts? Surely the other pigs will be able to tell the difference.

I wonder how long it will be before these kinds of technologies will be applied to humans, and what this will mean for us.

Posted by Matt, filed under Technology. Date: January 12, 2006, 9:23 pm | 9 Comments »

koreaair.JPG

A friend that just went on a flight from Seoul to Sydney took the above picture on the plane. Notice it says ‘East Sea’ where it should say Sea of Japan, and also features ‘Dokdo’, despite the island being an insignificant geographical feature, while omitting many major cities and more notable islands.

Is this for Korean customers, or a desperate attempt to send their message to non Koreans? It strikes me as a very insecure thing to do.

Posted by Matt, filed under diplomacy, finger chopping wacky. Date: January 11, 2006, 9:06 pm | 23 Comments »

A survey in South Korea conducted by Super-J Channel (6th of June 2005) of Japan asked respondents to choose from three potential answers in regards to ‘what would you do if America attacked North Korea without the Permission of the South Korean government?

attack japan
In answer to what he would do if America attacked North Korea, this Korean man answers “I would attack Japan”

attack japan

Answers to the question ‘what would you do if America attacked North Korea without the Permission of the South Korean government?

31.2% – Support America

47.6% – Help North Korea

21.2% – Attack Japan

Note – The survey above was conducted by a Korean research company, and the man in the first picture was from an informal street survey by Super-J Channel to find out if it was true.

We have heard of Koreans saying they would rather attack America than North Korea before, but it boggles the mind that more than 20% of Koreans would want to attack Japan if America attacks North Korea. Looking at the guy in the picture, he doesnt look insane so he must have formed his opinions somehow. Maybe through the anti-Japanese media or the anti-Japanese education system.

Update: A commenter called void offers evidence that the pie graph is a photoshop.

Hello, I’m new commer here. I’ve enjoyed your articles.
I watched the man in first picture on TV, but I believe the second pie-chart is a photoshop.
The gray part is for “other” answers, not “Attack Japan”.
The picture in following blog may be the near-original.

http://shiratorijun.blog4.fc2.com/blog-entry-21.html

I was shocked by the response of the guy anyway…

Good work, void.

Posted by Matt, filed under Anti-Americanism, diplomacy, finger chopping wacky, Racist Industrial Complex. Date: January 9, 2006, 5:44 am | 95 Comments »

« Previous Entries