Occidentalism
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Sad story of marriage

September 18th, 2007 . by Matt

This is a saddening story. I hope she can find some justice in Korea.

When Nlan, a 24-year old Vietnamese woman, married a Korean man four years ago, she had no idea where her life would head. She certainly never imagined that her two babies would be sent away to another woman.
Nlan was living with her parents near Ho Chi Minh City after graduating from high school when she first met her husband through a broker. She was told that he had been divorced once and wanted to start a new family. His past didn’t bother her, so they soon married, and Nlan became pregnant. Shortly after the delivery of her first child, however, her husband suddenly asked her to send their baby to his ex-wife.
“My husband tried to convince me by saying that we could have another baby, but his ex-wife couldn’t,” Nlan said. “He said she lives a lonely life now.”
She reluctantly agreed, and moved on with her life.
After giving up her baby to her husband’s ex-wife, Nlan gave birth to her second child in 2005. Soon, however, her husband suggested that they also send their second child to his ex-wife. When Nlan came home from the hospital, she discovered her second child was gone.
Shortly after the incident, her husband asked for a divorce.
“I was too young and naive at that time,” Nlan said. “I had no friends or family whom I could ask for help. And I didn’t speak Korean at all. When my husband’s attitude turned cold, I could do nothing except sign the divorce contract.”
After divorcing him, she found that her husband had reunited with his ex-wife with Nlan’s children. Nlan then realized that she was used as a surrogate mother for his husband’s marriage because his ex-wife was barren. Now she is pursuing a legal suit against him.


26 Responses to “Sad story of marriage”

  1. comment number 1 by: GarlicBreath

    What a horrible story and what a horrible man and his wife. I think that many Coreans will think he is clever because he saved money on buying whores and getting a surrogate.
    .
    At least she didn’t lose her life.

    One more Vietnamese bride reported dead in Korea

    .
    Most get beat. (7 out of 10)

    Seven out of 10 mixed marriages have problems of domestic violence and emotional abuse of migrant wives

    almost all are unhappy once they realize the hell they are in. The worst is how corean society treats so called “mixed blood” coreans.
    .
    Mr. Bevers, I should warn you. If you post a true story like this, Corean netizens like lil’al will go batty and make all sorts of claims. Be warned.

  2. comment number 2 by: stumpjumper

    OMG, this is a horrible heart wrenching story.
    I am so sad for the babies. If they realize how they were conceived later in their life…

  3. comment number 3 by: General Tiger

    GarlicBreath:
    Fuck all domestic violence!

    Mr. Bevers, I should warn you. If you post a true story like this, Corean netizens like lil’al will go batty and make all sorts of claims. Be warned.

    What claim would I make, then? That I believe all people who commit domestic violence should be shut up forever?

  4. comment number 4 by: Gerry-Bevers

    I did not post the story.

  5. comment number 5 by: HanComplex

    That is indeed a horrible and despicable thing done to her. That Korean couple are simply beasts to just use her. Not to marginalize what happened to her but at least she’s alive. Abuse and even deaths of migrant wives of Koreans are not uncommon.
    .
    Isn’t there a domestic violence hotline in Korea especially for these mostly Southeast Asian women who suffer in the hands of their Korean husbands? I wonder if their sordid tales get enough exposure on the local media. The more people become aware of their plight, the more likely laws would be enacted to protect their welfare.

  6. comment number 6 by: tocchin

    Infertile couples can have their babies by adopting unwanted babies or orphans. Korea sends away the largest number of children abroad for adoption among the OECD countries. The overseas adoption is considered a source of shame and humiliation. I do not understand why inter-country adoption does not exist in Korea. Can anybody explain to me why ?

  7. comment number 7 by: Matt

    tocchin, I have had a little to drink (its my birthday) so do not hold me to this, but I believe there is a traditional taboo on adoption in Korea, outside some special circumstances.

  8. comment number 8 by: kingka1004

    it’s true. the whole adoption thing is taboo. weird though. my friend just found out her brother was adopted (and she’s 25 years old now). and her parents made her promise not to tell anyone. koreas biggest exports? unwanted children, whores and… korean pride!!!!! ahhhhsssahhh!!!

  9. comment number 9 by: GarlicBreath

    That I believe all people who commit domestic violence should be shut up forever?

    Tigg, congradulations, I almost feel that we agree that the corean custom of wifebeatnig is wrong. It’s almost as if you are able to learn. But somehow, I find this too hard to belive. I better reread what you wrote…. ahh yes, I see now. you wrote “all people”. I guess you want to water down that 7/10 foreign wives of corean men suffer from domestic violence. So Tigg, do 7/10 of all women get beat by their husbands? No.
    .
    Tigg, you seem more (more is relitive I know) honest then that other extreme nationalist (wannabe) corean. Don’t you think that 7/10 korean men being wife abusers is high? As a corean, why not just say, you disaprove of corean men being wife abusers? I guess.. its just too hard to be critical of coreans when you are a extreme nationalist. Ohmynews was right about you.

  10. comment number 10 by: kjeff

    Matt,
    Happy Birthday!!!

  11. comment number 11 by: ponta

    Matt,
    Happy Birthday!!!

  12. comment number 12 by: GarlicBreath

    Happy Birthday Mr Matt. I didn’t want to be the first one to say that. It seems that whenever I am polite the trolls start to attack me.

  13. comment number 13 by: kingka1004

    fk u garlic breath, stop hating on korea

  14. comment number 14 by: Ken

    Happy birthday to you♪Happy birthday to you♭Happy birthday dear Matt♯How old are you?
    My constellation is same with you.

  15. comment number 15 by: Matt

    it’s true. the whole adoption thing is taboo. weird though. my friend just found out her brother was adopted (and she’s 25 years old now). and her parents made her promise not to tell anyone.

    Is the son a relative, or of unknown parentage? Do they have the same clan name (Kim, Lee, etc), or different?

  16. comment number 16 by: randomcow

    Happy bday for yesterday dude. Sorry I forgot. Again.

    RC

  17. comment number 17 by: kjeff

    Matt,
    The story kind of reminds me Kang Soo-Yeon’s “Surrogate Womb.” With the possible fall-out from “Dragon War”, a bit of Korean movie shout-out is in order. BTW, it won all sort of awards in Venice Film festival.
    Off-topic aside, I hope she succeeds in her pursuit of legal remedies. I think the governments(both) should do more to screen these men, because, they are I feel, to begin with, may be an at-risk group for spousal abuse; I know it’s hard finding love in a rather materialistic Korea, but it can’t be that hard, can it?
    .
    Tocchin,

    I do not understand why inter-country adoption does not exist in Korea. Can anybody explain to me why ?

    I think this has pretty good explanations.

  18. comment number 18 by: T_K

    Matt, belated congrats!

  19. comment number 19 by: kingka1004

    Matt,

    they have different names. not related. her parents dont believe that adopted children are any less than biological children, and to prove that, they adopt. however. they would never let korean society know. how silly

  20. comment number 20 by: alec931

    Sad story, and extremely unfortunate for the lady. I hope she gets justice.
    This reminds me of how GarlicBreath was conceived. However, unlike GarlicBreath, at least these children are wanted and loved.

  21. comment number 21 by: egg

    I wonder how many of the 30,208 wives were tricked or cheated into marriage unwillingly because of poverty. Hope they are not so large numbers.
    .
    It is quite amazing how people can act so selfishly, treating his wife as if she is a machine to make a baby. I hope these kind of people do not exist around my family. So scarely.
    I wish (no idea what will be enough conpensation but) some kind of justice will be brought by the society.

  22. comment number 22 by: GarlicBreath

    I wonder how many of the 30,208 wives were tricked or cheated into marriage unwillingly because of poverty. Hope they are not so large numbers.

    I would say most. Coreans are well known to comb through areas that are poor and desperate. Even the pro Corean zainichi Norimitsu Onishi

    “But this business will get more difficult as those countries get richer,” said Won Hyun Jae, the owner of i-Bombit, another agency. “Now, even a disabled Korean man can find a Vietnamese bride. But eventually Vietnamese women will ask why they have to go marry a Korean man when life in Vietnam is good.”

    Nori tries to paint anything corean as good, but I am sure his editor made him tell the truth.

    This reminds me of how GarlicBreath was conceived. However, unlike GarlicBreath, at least these children are wanted and loved

    you have a creepy and unhealty obsession with me lil’al. Why are gyopos like you so angry and bitter?

    It is quite amazing how people can act so selfishly, treating his wife as if she is a machine to make a baby

    Anything is OK in corea as long as you “win”. But I am never suprised about low and evil corean behavior. I think he treats her lower then a machine, but that is because she is not corean. My understanding that the “noble” corean really treat Indonesians like dirt and that is why the indonesians logically saught to burn out Corean exploiter in the 97 financial crisis.

  23. comment number 23 by: Ken

    Foreign wives who married in Korea cannot take Korean nationality if divorced as far as Korean ex-husband admit it.
    Therefore, this case will be rejected by Korean court of justice.
    What a terrible story this story will be!

  24. comment number 24 by: GarlicBreath

    Why is it that when Corean beat their wifes, Americans call it “asian family abuse“?

    LOS ANGELES — Seven deaths within one week in spasms of family violence have plunged this city’s Koreatown into questioning its immigrant culture of stoically bearing the stresses of adjusting to American life.

    Why should good Asians fear having their good named tarnished because of Corean cultural norms?

  25. comment number 25 by: kjeff

    GarlicBreath,

    Why is it that when Corean beat their wifes, Americans call it “asian family abuse“?

    Read pass the first paragraph you dimwit…

  26. comment number 26 by: alec931

    You gotta step up your game, gorlicbreath. You sound more like the neglected child you are after each post.